How to stay grounded in reality

 Everyone has bad days, but it seems like some have more than others. For me, bad days are constant, and my energy is fickle and short lived.

This still from Sopranos is basically how I (And everyone like me) feel. Today, I am exhausted. I have trouble with sleeping, meaning that I sleep too much, very rarely too little, and I have trouble falling asleep even if I hit the sack at a normal hour.

Last night, I tried a new treatment to help me sleep but it made my drowsiness pretty much pereptual, so I haven't been able to get my work done today, which is bad, cause I'm in crunch time for exam week. I'm trying not to beat myself up over it, but how not to? If I fail one exam, my scholarship is gone, and besides funding my whole existence, my parents will have to fund my schooling fees as well. I don't want that to happen but I barely have energy to do the work I know I have to do.

If you're wondering why this post is riddled with Sopranos quotes, it's because I found that watching this show keeps me a bit grounded and stops the flood of bad thoughts and guilt, and rage, and whatever else, for a little while. In fact, I also thought to write about a few of the things I do to keep myself grounded when I have an episode, so anyone going through the same things knows, there is help and ways to calm yourself down.

My therapist doesn't recommend I watch too much TV because I can easily lose myself in the shows and lose track of time. But I found it to be one of the most helpful things in an episode. It's true that I lose myself in whatever show I am watching, whether it be Succession, The Sopranos, or House M.D., but if it stops the thoughts for a while it's worth it.

Don't underestimate the power of going outside, even for a walk. I find the hardest days to be those when I don't have uni to attend. Lack of outside time and a routine can do quite a number on you, so stick to a routine at least. Go to bed at a set time and wake up at a set time (I am still working on this).

Make a ritual out of little things throughout the day. For me, it's drinking my coffee and eating the one meal I eat in a day, besides breakfast. For my coffee, I have it with a little milk or sugar, never without one of these two. For my meal, I sit down, pour some soda (like cola zero), and watch a YouTube video with my meal. I usually go for a mystery iceberg, or true crime. This way, you have something to look forward to each day.

Talk to people and go out, even if it's once a week or every two weeks. Chances are, your friends haven't stopped caring about you and would like to help you out and have fun with you.

Get a new hobby, or revive one from when you were a little kid, like I did with painting and collecting dolls. Another thing I do is buy really cheap books from thrifted book stores, like books about aliens, history, philosophy, and anything really; I built quite a sizeable old book collection.

Take your meds!!! Same time every day. Can't stress this enough... don't be like me. I experiment with mine and I need to be locked away from society when I'm unmedicated.

I don't want to say the cliches, you are not a burden,... or a bad person... because I don't know how true it is. I am both, and I have been both for the better part of my life, but I am trying to manage all my business myself and stop entangling others in my web... people who haven't asked or deserve the chaos I bring into their lives. I am learning to live my life alone, on my own terms, which I think sometimes is the only solution there is.